Have you ever felt frustrated with yourself for freezing during a conversation, overreacting to something minor, or wanting to run away from conflict?

Stephen Porges, the creator of polyvagal theory, offers a powerful reframe: “There are no bad responses, only adaptive responses.” What does that mean? Every reaction we have—whether it’s fight, flight, or freeze—is our body’s way of trying to protect us. These aren’t “bad” responses; they’re strategies our nervous system developed to keep us safe in moments of stress or danger.

For instance, if you grew up in a chaotic or unsafe environment, you might have learned to stay silent (freeze) or flee (flight) to avoid confrontation. Those responses helped you survive—they were adaptive. But in the safety of the present, they may no longer serve you the same way.

This understanding invites us to respond to ourselves with more compassion. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” we can gently inquire, “What is my body trying to protect me from?” Recognizing these reactions as survival strategies, not flaws, opens the door to healing. We can begin teaching our nervous system that it’s safe to relax, connect, and trust.