We’ve all been there—someone hurt us, or we hurt someone else. The tension lingers, and a poorly delivered apology only makes things worse. Take, for example, the classic bad apology: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” It sidesteps accountability and invalidates the other person’s experience.

So, what makes a good apology? Here’s a guide to doing it right:

1. Be Specific About What You’re Sorry For
   Start with a clear and direct statement: “I’m sorry for…” Name the action or behavior that caused harm. Specificity shows that you understand the situation and take responsibility for your part in it.
2. Acknowledge the Impact
   Go beyond just naming the behavior—recognize how it affected the other person. Empathize and validate their feelings: “I understand that my actions hurt you, and I can see why you feel this way.” This step communicates that their emotions matter to you.
3. Express Regret and Remorse
   Show genuine regret for your actions. A heartfelt statement like, “I deeply regret what I did, and if I could do it differently, I would,” conveys sincerity and humility.
4. Ask for Forgiveness
   Be brave enough to ask for forgiveness. It’s not about forcing the other person to absolve you but creating space for healing to begin.
5. Offer Restitution, If Needed
   Sometimes, words aren’t enough. Relationships may require tangible repair. Ask, “What can I do to make this right?” Offering restitution demonstrates a commitment to rebuilding trust.

A good apology isn’t about perfect words; it’s about a heartfelt effort to take responsibility, validate feelings, and restore connection. Relationships thrive when we approach each other with honesty, empathy, and the courage to make amends.