Marshall Rosenberg once said, “Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.” At our core, we are all human beings sharing the same fundamental needs. These needs shape our lives, our relationships, and the way we navigate challenges. They remind us that beneath all our differences, we share a common humanity.

Our most basic needs start with the physiological essentials: oxygen, food, water, and rest—the building blocks of life itself. Then, there’s the need for safety, both physical and emotional. Safety provides the stability we require to grow and thrive.

We also need love and belonging. As social beings, we crave connection, intimacy, and community. When this need goes unmet, it leaves an aching void that can weigh heavily on our hearts. Likewise, we need self-esteem—the assurance that we are valued and appreciated. Knowing that we matter to ourselves and others is vital for our emotional well-being.

Lastly, there’s the need to fulfill our potential, learn, grow, and contribute meaningfully to the world. It’s the force that inspires creativity, exploration, and purpose.

But what happens when these needs go unmet?

Unmet needs often manifest as anger, anxiety, or depression—signals alerting us that something essential is missing. In our desperation to fill these gaps, we may turn to unhealthy behaviors, like joining a toxic group to feel belonging or chasing empty achievements to validate our worth. These behaviors, while misguided, are often rooted in an attempt to meet very real, legitimate needs.

Sometimes, what blocks us from meeting our needs are deep-seated beliefs we’ve carried for years. Messages like “Other people’s needs are more important than mine” or “My needs don’t matter” can keep us stuck in cycles of neglect and disconnection.

But the truth is: our needs do matter.

Recognizing and honoring them isn’t selfish—it’s a path to healing. When we acknowledge what we truly need and take steps to meet those needs in healthy ways, we move closer to wholeness. And when our needs are met, the effects ripple outward. Feeling safe, loved, and valued equips us to show up more fully for others.

So, let’s start small. Let’s listen to the wake-up calls and ask ourselves, What do I need today? It’s a simple question, but one with the power to transform how we care for ourselves—and how we care for each other.